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Blogging in a break at work.
The meeting with Chae Young's family went fairly well, considering that they couldn't speak (much) English, and I speak about the same amount of Korean. That in itself was quite awkward and stressful (you know, not speaking can very stressful sometimes!). The family was not particularly outgoing on the one hand, but were not unfriendly, either; they showed their welcome for me in actions mostly involving food. I had already met her mother, and the wife of one of her brothers, and their children, as well as a niece from another brother. This time I met, for the first time, her father and a few more family members.
The meeting with her father was interesting. He had many questions for me about my age (there's a story there, but maybe I'll say it later), how much money I make each month, what my qualifications are. He was not pleased to learn I teach in a hogwan, rather than a university, but my M.A. seemed to satisfy him. He used the little English he possessed to make me feel welcome, and told me not to worry about the difficulty of communication, something that touched me. This was particularly noteworthy because many years ago he had stopped the interracial romance of one of Chae Young's siblings. He tried to teach me Janggi (Korean chess), but I'm going to have to get an English speaker to teach me so I can play him. He has a nice smile. He wanted to know when the wedding would be, and how we would survive if Chae Young gets pregnant! In Canada, these questions would be tabboo for a first meeting with a parent, but here they are not uncommon, apparently--especially if a foreigner is involved. But again, in South Korea, children don't introduce their significant other to their parents until things have gotten very serious indeed.
Chae Young's mother spoiled me by insisting on feeding me five meals in one day, despite my protestations. Both parents were very concerned to make only the food that I like. I ate barbequed pork (something the father and I share a great liking for), and Korean pizza. I actually helped the mother in the kitchen for a little while.
I called Chae Young's parents "abbanim" and "ommanim" (I'll have the hangul later).
UPDATE: Sewing was right: 아버님 and 어머님. Chae Young told me just now when I asked her that these terms are somewhat formal. They can be used for either the parents of a friend or significant other. The formality of the terms is in keeping with the father's wishes that I use the formal "imnida" forms with him. The mother, on the other hand, said in no uncertain terms that I should use the less formal "yo" endings with her. There's no need to go into all the details here in this post, but the mother really likes me.
The father also took us on two drives: one on Sunday night, to the place shown on the back of the 5,000 Won bill. Here are the reverse and obverse of the 5000 Won bill, soon to be replaced with a different issue:
이 율곡 ("Ee Yool Goke") was a Confucian scholar during the Chosun dynasty. I regret that I don't know much more about him. Perhaps someone can fill us all in in the comments (thanks!).
The second drive was on Monday afternoon, when we went to many places all over the area in Paju and towards the North Korean border. We visited the tomb of the last king of the Shilla dynasty, whose tombstone was slightly marred by bullets fired during the Korean War.
Many Korean people have told me that I am lucky to have found a Korean woman whose family has not been significantly opposed to an interracial marriage. I agree. Chae Young is very independent, and that probably helped a lot. By the way, she apologized for our tiff the other day, and I know she meant the apology. We've shared a very special series of days together since then.
In other news, I went to immigration last week. I've signed another contract for one year with my school, but have a gentleman's agreement with the director that a release letter will be forthcoming should I get a job in a university after the end of February. So, now, my Alien Residence Card has a sticker on it showing my newly extended period of stay.
The meeting with Chae Young's family went fairly well, considering that they couldn't speak (much) English, and I speak about the same amount of Korean. That in itself was quite awkward and stressful (you know, not speaking can very stressful sometimes!). The family was not particularly outgoing on the one hand, but were not unfriendly, either; they showed their welcome for me in actions mostly involving food. I had already met her mother, and the wife of one of her brothers, and their children, as well as a niece from another brother. This time I met, for the first time, her father and a few more family members.
The meeting with her father was interesting. He had many questions for me about my age (there's a story there, but maybe I'll say it later), how much money I make each month, what my qualifications are. He was not pleased to learn I teach in a hogwan, rather than a university, but my M.A. seemed to satisfy him. He used the little English he possessed to make me feel welcome, and told me not to worry about the difficulty of communication, something that touched me. This was particularly noteworthy because many years ago he had stopped the interracial romance of one of Chae Young's siblings. He tried to teach me Janggi (Korean chess), but I'm going to have to get an English speaker to teach me so I can play him. He has a nice smile. He wanted to know when the wedding would be, and how we would survive if Chae Young gets pregnant! In Canada, these questions would be tabboo for a first meeting with a parent, but here they are not uncommon, apparently--especially if a foreigner is involved. But again, in South Korea, children don't introduce their significant other to their parents until things have gotten very serious indeed.
Chae Young's mother spoiled me by insisting on feeding me five meals in one day, despite my protestations. Both parents were very concerned to make only the food that I like. I ate barbequed pork (something the father and I share a great liking for), and Korean pizza. I actually helped the mother in the kitchen for a little while.
I called Chae Young's parents "abbanim" and "ommanim" (I'll have the hangul later).
UPDATE: Sewing was right: 아버님 and 어머님. Chae Young told me just now when I asked her that these terms are somewhat formal. They can be used for either the parents of a friend or significant other. The formality of the terms is in keeping with the father's wishes that I use the formal "imnida" forms with him. The mother, on the other hand, said in no uncertain terms that I should use the less formal "yo" endings with her. There's no need to go into all the details here in this post, but the mother really likes me.
The father also took us on two drives: one on Sunday night, to the place shown on the back of the 5,000 Won bill. Here are the reverse and obverse of the 5000 Won bill, soon to be replaced with a different issue:
이 율곡 ("Ee Yool Goke") was a Confucian scholar during the Chosun dynasty. I regret that I don't know much more about him. Perhaps someone can fill us all in in the comments (thanks!).
The second drive was on Monday afternoon, when we went to many places all over the area in Paju and towards the North Korean border. We visited the tomb of the last king of the Shilla dynasty, whose tombstone was slightly marred by bullets fired during the Korean War.
Many Korean people have told me that I am lucky to have found a Korean woman whose family has not been significantly opposed to an interracial marriage. I agree. Chae Young is very independent, and that probably helped a lot. By the way, she apologized for our tiff the other day, and I know she meant the apology. We've shared a very special series of days together since then.
In other news, I went to immigration last week. I've signed another contract for one year with my school, but have a gentleman's agreement with the director that a release letter will be forthcoming should I get a job in a university after the end of February. So, now, my Alien Residence Card has a sticker on it showing my newly extended period of stay.
10 Comments:
Nathan,
I see you have a Master degree. That would be a really good idea getting a job in a university. The working conditions are normally, but not always, much better than those found in conversaton schools.
Have you thought about teaching in another country in Asia - like Taiwan?
You could get a nice university job here if you have an M.A. and if it's related to EFL.
Fred Shannon
Taipei, Taiwan
Hi there, Fred; nice of you to drop by again. I appreciate your friendly advice, even as I don't think I can take it (girlfriend and all); I've added you in a separate category to my sidebar. Thanks & all the best,
Nathan
P.S. My M.A. was in (ancient) Semitic Linguistics, so it's not directly related to EFL.
Hi, Nathan:
Wow, this is serious business, officially meeting the folks! I'm glad to learn that her parents apparently like you.
Regarding the issue of Chae Young's father's breaking up one of her sibling's interracial relationships a few years ago, it might not have been a communication issue, or communication might have been a pretext for some other issue, like personality or what have you—or it might have been the eldest son, on whom much higher expectations have traditionally been placed in most Korean families than on other children.
As for "abbanim" and "ommanim," would that be 아빠님 and 엄마님? If that's what Chae Young told you to call them, that's okay; otherwise, I would suggest the proper formal terms 아버님 and 어머님 ("abônim" and "ômônim").
Anyhow, glad to find out you're going to be in Korea for another year...there's the slight chance in that case that I may be able to meet you in Seoul, depending on how things shape up in the next few months.
Fred's suggestion of teaching in a university is a good one, and it should be a cinch since you have a Master's degree. But understandably, you probably want to stay in Korea and not go somewhere like Taiwan, considering that you now have a personal attachment to the country!
Great to have you back, Sewing! By the way, you're going to have to check out my archives; there are some interesting pictures of the big fortress in Suwon for you to look at.
P.S. I'll ask Chae Young soon about the spelling, but I think it was the more familiar one, judging by the sound. Of course, I could be wrong; I'm hard of hearing, and have at times made many mistakes, often humourous, as a result of this condition.
Nathan:
First of all, this comment is in no way an attempt to "correct" you or "set you straight." For all I know, whichever words you may be using may be perfectly acceptable, or they may have been what Chae Young or even her parents told you to use. I'm just commenting for the sake of a bit of language education!
Okay, with that disclaimer out of the way, "Appa" (아빠) and "Ômma"/"Eomma" (엄마) are the familiar terms children use when addressing their parents...you could, I guess, conceivably add the honorific suffix "-nim" (님) to them to make them more polite. But the "correct" polite versions of those that non-family adults would use to and about them are "Abônim"/"Abeonim" (아버님) and "Ômônim"/"Eomeonim" (어머님).
In between are the formal terms that are used by adults and sometimes by children to or about their parents, "Abôji"/"Abeoji" (아버지) and "Ômôni"/"Eomeoni" (어머니).
Then there are the grandparents. The formal and informal forms are "Harabônim"/"Harabeonim" (할아버님) and "Harabôji"/"Harabeoji" (할아버지) for a grandfather, and "Halmônim"/"Halmeonim" (할머님) and "Halmôni"/"Halmeoni" (할머니) for a grandmother.
There are also very low, archaic forms of the above that are never or very, very rarely used. I suppose that many centuries ago, Korean probably hadn't yet been refined into so many levels of politeness, so perhaps at one time these root forms were normal. Now they would be highly impolite to use. Anyhow, they are "Abi" (아비) for "Father," "Ô"/"Eomi" (어미) for "Mother," "Harabi" (할아비) for "Grandfather," and "Halmôni" (할머니) for "Grandmother." (I'm violating the traditional Confucian order by putting the parents before the grandparents, but the reverse order makes more sense from a morphological perspective!)
Finally, should you marry Chae Young (weird to talk about it, eh?), the most formal terms that would then properly use would be "Changin Ôrûn"/"Jangin Eoreun" (장인 어른) for your father-in-law, and "Changmonim"/"Jangmonim" (장모님) for your mother-in-law.
Hi Sewing and everybody: I've updated the main post for this thread. By the way, Sewing, it would be great to meet you in Seoul! All the best,
It would be! We'll have to see how things work out, though....
Hi again, Nathan:
Sorry to be a pain, but that should be 어머님, not 어마님.
The difference in Chae Young's parents' preferences regarding how you speak to them is in keeping with the way that different speech levels are traditionally used in Korea...although lots of men and women use both the -mnida and -yo endings, there is an ever so slightly greater tendency for some men to use -mnida more, and for some women to use -yo more.
(I'm choosing my words carefully, because I don't want to make any sweeping generalizations when it comes to gender issues. Also, among younger people, especially in Seoul, the -yo ending is of course used quite frequently and probably more or less equally by both sexes. On top of which, it's a much easier paradigm for non-Koreans to get right without fear of (a) offending anyone or (b) sounding too formal, than many of the other speech levels....)
Thanks, Sewing; that was a typo on my part--I've corrected it.
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